Waiting On Results Is Never Fun

Since it's been a while I'll give a little background. We took Easton for his 15 month check up at the beginning of May, and I brought up to his ped that he has been having low grade fevers every few days for over a month. There isn't a reason for them, at least no outward reason, no runny nose, no cough, no ear drainage (he has tubes). So his doctor decided to hold off on his shots and run some blood work. I wasn't too worried and figured I would get a call back that all was normal and bring in back in for his shots. Well a week later his doctor calls and said there was a small abnormality with his liver enzymes and he is slightly anemic. Now it's time to run more in depth blood tests. OK, sure, no problem I'll take him to get more blood drawn. That was over two weeks ago. I looked up online how long the tests can take and of course one of them can take 2-3 weeks. I know they are being thorough but I HATE waiting. Now amongst all that yesterday Easton FINALLY had a scope done to check all his GI problems. Everything by sight looks "normal". That I wasn't surprised with. Everything looked "normal" with Belle too. At least this time they went in knowing what to test for. They are doing all the tests up front so that we won't have to continue putting him under and scoping him trying to figure out what is wrong. It made me feel bad about Belle having to go through all of that. I know eventually it gave us an answer but I HATE that it took them so long because they didn't run all the tests the first time.
Yesterday was a crazy day we got a call at 6am but we missed the call and I noticed the missed call at 730 I called the surgical center back and they told us our surgery had been moved to the main hospital. The only problem with this is that we weren't going to be able to get belle to school. So Belle had to tag along for the day and we had to get through downtown traffic at rush hour, and be there essentially in 1 hour. Luckily my brother in law was able to get Jamison off to school. We got there and checked in and put in a preop room and then sat, and sat and sat....Poor E was so tired and hungry and thirsty. He was a trooper though. Smiling and cuddling and playing with his sister. Finally 90 min AFTER his surgery was SUPPOSED to start he went back....he did great. It took 20 min and then another 30 min for him to wake up. He hung out in the recovery waking up and flirting the nurses. The first sippy he got he guzzled it down. He did amazing and I'm so proud of bubs! Now we play the waiting game...On a side note the surgeon was Belle's GI doc and she proved why we don't like her even more...she didn't recognize us at all (we've met a few times) and she didn't recognize belle. I realize that we're not patients  every month but you work with kids...Her previous GI doc knew us well and knew her too....wow it was just awkward.

 

Time to Be A Detective

Yup it's that time again....Time for me to get out my magnafying glass and start looking. I went to give Belle a shower and her whole back side from the neck down is covered in her eczama, huge patches of it and I'm not sure why. So now she is not allowed any more banana's and the restricted diet is to begin again. I HATE doing this to her. She loves experiencing new food. Heck she even wanted to try guacamolie and loved it. I love that my little girl has taste buds that are willing to try anything. What I hate is what food does to her body. She hasn't been complaining about the itching but I know that it has to be bothering her. How can it not. I think it's time for a call into the docs. I at least want to try and get her on an allergy med for now so that at least we can keep the itching at bay w/o the side effects of being tired all the time. Benedryl makes her super sleepy and grumpy. I do not want to subject her teachers to that daily. So at least for tomorrow I think it's a day home with mommy and benedryl and hopefully a trip to the doc to get a non drowsy med to keep her comfortable. I know she did have a fruit roll up tonight and honestly I don't remember the last time she had one. Spring also seems to be a time where her body flares. I don't know the rhyme or reason behind it but it does...so here we go again. It may be snowing out but Belle's body doesn't know it and her poor skin is raging...

The Trial is O V E R

I can no longer torture Easton or daddy. I know Easton enjoyed his new foods (yogart, cheese, and real butter and milk) but after 2 days his body has had enough. He was up all night with Derrick last night he just couldn't get comfortable. He'd moan and whine or just out right cry. He started to refuse food today and just want fluids. I guess easier for his little tummy. Also when he finally did poop it was the tell tale white marble funky smelling poop that floats that if it sticks to ya burns your skin.....So he was smart and brought mommy a diaper...smart kid if you ask me...he did not want that on him....so back to hypoallergenic bottles and "safe" food. We gave it a try but we're done with sleepless nights and an uncomfortable kid no matter what the doc says! Mommy knows best!

Tomorrow It Begins

What begins you may ask....Easton is going to be treated like a regular kid...well at least when it comes to his diet...he's going to eat whatever he wants. I'm going to let him endulge. At least as much as a 1 year old can. I'm not going to read lables. I'm not going to worry about what I'm feeding him I'm just going to let him have it. Let's see how he does. Granted if it's overkill and his body starts to completely rebel I'm going to reign it in and stop but I'm going to let him have fun...Maybe let him have his first bite of real ice cream or maybe a piece of cake. Maybe some real cheese or milk. The poor kid hasn't had any of this.... So beings  my experiment to see how overprotective I am actually being....I'll keep you all posted on my journey.

Only As A Mom Can You

Talk about POOP...yup I said it....I said POOP :O Yesterday as I was perusing facebook during naptime my chat popped up and a good friend of mine was asking how things were going...one of her first questions was how was Easton's poop...we both laughed and made the comment that only mom's can hold this type of conversations. We have gone from the latest style fashions to what does my kids poop look like. I just have to sit back and laugh. So now as I'm on my new crusade of documented of what Easton is eating, drinking, and pooping Derrick is giving me funny looks. Heck I'm giving myself mental funny looks. So last night I had Derrick document what Easton was eating for dinner. No problem. He didn't question me no funny looks. Then came the poop. Easton had one nasty diaper and it stunk. If pictures smelled this picture would have cleared a room. But as derrick was getting ready to take the diaper to wash it I told him he needed to take a picture...Here came the look. I think it was a cross between surprise and disgust, but I'm going to do all I can to make sure I have every thing documented for the doctors...I suck at writing it all down in a notebook so taking pics and writing on my blog is just going to have to be my documentation. Plus it is hard to put into words what poop looks like. It's easier just to take a picture of it, and as far as ingredients who wants to copy all those long words...I'd rather just take a picture and that be the end of it.

Since we're on the topic of poop I've never been happier to have a cloth diapered baby...Why didn't I do this on my other 2. This would have made life (especially with Iz) SO much easier. If he has to go through 10 diapers a day I just throw them in the wash and that's ok. I spent so much money on Iz when she was going through this. It doesn't take any time at all. Is it gross to spray the diapers yes but does it save me money and time running to the store getting diapers YES...Oh and he looks oh so cute in them. Granted when he is having watery diapers he's got to be in disposables bc of the stench. But other than that I LOVE my cloth diapers.

I'm Going to Become the Crazy Mom

So the doc appointment yesterday felt like I was pounding my head against a wall again...It felt like Belle all over again....Seriously people I've done this once before...Been there done that really don't want to attend the after party again...So I brought up all my concerns. Stated all his problems, yada yada yada and yet I'm still the overprotective too proactive mommy...WHAT?! First thing that pissed me off was that as I was standing in the hallway waiting to Easton weighed I overheard the MA's talking about how the infant scales are not correctly callobrated because they are moved around constantly because of all the transplants on certain days...Ummm HELLO in GI weight is IMPORTANT....UGH...THEN she tells me they called the WRONG branch of Easton's doctors office so they don't have his growth chart so they don't know why his doctor is so concerned bc on when he was last at the ENT he looks fine. (insert eyeroll) So first your scales aren't correct and 2 the scales you are going off aren't even the same ones because they are at 2 seperate offices with 2 seperate departments. Ummmmm yeah...whereas the growth chart that has me and his pediatrician concerned is off of 1 of 2 scales in the SAME office that are regularly checked and he's seen there at least once a month...Hmmmm wonder which growth chart I'm going to go off of...I saw for my self his growth chart. I know how to look at a chart as does his doctor who has been looking at them for oh more years then this GI doc has been alive....AHHHHHHH

Anywho...onto my task that I'm giving myself for the month...I'm going to be a photo journalist for the month and the blog is going to be my outlet...well kind of...I'll spare you the gross photos. SO for the next month I will be writing down everything and photographing everything that he eats and poops. The GI doc said he should eat a normal diet...there's no way that he's like belle...UMMM what?! OK I'll prove you wrong...and if you know me you know I like to prove you wrong...Granted I won't put him in danger and I won't make him really sick but I'm going to prove that I know my children. So here I will be able to vent and   talk and cheer and cry....So away we go.....

Reflections

This really isn't about me but life in general...You think life is going smoothly and God throws in curve balls. Whether they are personal or worldwide. Yesterday/today God showed the world his almighty power. Japan was hit with a horrific Earthquake and Tsunami. Once again in my life I am left feeling hopeless and out of control. First thing I hear when I wake up this morning from Derrick is "Lindsey email Debra find out if they are ok." I hadn't turned on the news and my heart sank. Debra is a wonderful woman of God and a wonderful friend. Immediately I turned on the news and opened my laptop to email her. Demanding her to check in with me. Oh how I was relieved that she was quick to respond. I was afraid for her. I wanted to make her feel better. I just wanted to wrap my arms around her like a warm blanket and take all her fears away and drown out all the sirens with beautiful music. I still feel like there isn't much a can do. I'm just a friend on the other side of the world on a computer. I just want to sweep in with jet and take all our friends and their families but I have to sit and wait and know that the US military will do their jobs and take care of them.

I'm also glued to the TV making sure that nothing more is happening and keeping tabs on Japan and the west coast. I am running into the problem of shielding my older children though. This morning I had to send Jamison to my room to watch a movie so that I could watch Fox News as to not scare him because he knew his best friends grand parents live in Hawaii. Now this evening when I was watching the World News I had to send them to color so that the talk of earthquakes in California would not give them nightmares of the place they would soon live. I know they will have to live through earthquakes. They already have. They don't remember it and at this point that is a blessing. They will have to do earthquake drills and it will become a way of life, just like if that continued to live here they would have to do tornado drills. Weather happens and you have to be prepared. Right now I just want to keep them shielded from the extremes.

I continue to pray for those effected by these recent tragic events. May God wrap his arms around the scared and grieving and place his healing hand upon the injured. May the people of the Japan rise from the ashes of the ruble and rebuild.

I Hate This

I feel so powerless, out of control. I'm emotionally back to a place I don't want to be. Back to a place i vowed I would never return to. It took me a year and a half after Belle's ordeal to feel better and now with in 24 hours I'm back to that place. A place of worry and helplessness. I can't stand it. I hate feeling like this. I don't have a magic pill or liquid medicine. I fear he'll need an NG tube or even worse have to stay overnight in the hospital. I hate having to think he'll get poked and prodded with needles. I'll have to watch another child stump doctors with a list of symptoms with unknown causes. We'll get yes we understand he's losing weight and yes his GI tract is affected BUT we don't know why so we'll give you the best guess why and hope he gets better...I feel like a rug has yet again been yanked out from under me. God said life was going too smoothly so I'm going to throw some more curve balls at you! I'm tired of curve balls. I"m tired of having to be the strong mommy. I'm tired of having to watch my children go through test after test with no "real" answers. I LOVE my children they are blessings and yes they could have worse things wrong with them, but this is so emotionally draining. I'm fearing moving because I don't know the doctors where I'm moving. I fear derrick being gone. I fear the unknown. I know I will have just as amazing support system. I just want to make my kids better. I want to make the 100%. I want them to eat what the want...Have an ice cream cone. Eat a piece a cake at a birthday party...Eat a fresh piece of fruit from a farmers market w/o running to the bathroom. I want my kids to be able to go to a restaurant  and order what ever they want with out having to asking a million questions of the waiter. I want to be able to take my kids to the movies and get them goodies and popcorn. Food is supposed to be fun and nurishing but to 2 of my 3 kids it's the enemy. I just feel helpless. I'm ready for this week to be over so we can start this journey again with easton and so that we can get him on a path to healing.

It's Happening Again

I don't know if I can do this again. Easton is approaching the trouble age. My anxiety is increasing. But I'm doing everything right. He's on a hypoallergenic formula. He's not getting milk or soy. His sugar intake is minimal. His foods are healthy. What more can I do. I'm doing everything RIGHT and he is still getting sick. His weight is starting to drop from his growth chart. He was in a nice little cluster there for a while. We could explain why he wasn't gaining as quickly as other kids. For 6 months he was having constant ear/sinus infections. He was gaining just slowly, but consistently growing. He is getting taller so something is going right. But his weight is going no where quickly. At his 12 month appointment I was so excited. He was 20lbs and 14oz. He was getting up there. It looked like we were on our way up. He was over the weight hump. My heart dropped when he got weighed today and he was 20lbs 4 oz. When his doctor looked at his growth chart his dot was no longer in his little cluster but lonely and far below. My nerves are shot I find myself going back to an emotional place I thought I would never have to go again. I have tried to control this situation. I did everything I knew how to do. I've controled his diet so well. the poor kid has never tasted ice cream or gotten to eat a real piece of cake. He is probably the healthiest 13 month old around...He gets excited for veggies....I am at a loss of what else to do. I've done everything I know how to do. I've controled everything I can. But it's not enough. My child is still sick. WHY? WHY? WHY?

I Got to Be A Kid Again

Oh how I love the excuse to be a kid again. Today Belle and I got to do a girls day out. I didn't tell her what we were doing I just told her we were going to the mall. We went to Ross Park Mall and went to the Disney store. There I let her pick out 2 new princess shirts and some fun jewelry. We also got her older brother some Phineus and Ferb stuff. We also preordered our copy of Tangled. I think I'm more excited for it than she is. Although, I know Jamison is super excited to finally get to see it. Go figure my boy wants to see a princess movie, but who am I to stiffle imagination. One day he's no longer going to like disney and I'm going to have to relish in memories of the little boy who wanted to see Tangled. We walked around the mall somewhat and I let her run off some energy at the playground. I then packed her up in the car and started down towards Pittsburgh. I finally told her where we were going and her face lit up light it was Christmas morning. She talked about all the Princesses she would see. We got to our seats and she kept telling me how much she loved me and how excited she was. He face lit up as the princesses started to skate out and mickey and minnie came out. The only downer was the people in front of us who had too many people for not enough seats...5 seats and 6 people...ummm you do the math...AND they were super loud yelling at each other...it got to the point I had to put Belle on my lap so she could see. But all in all I had the most amazing time with Belle. It's very rare that I get to spend that quality time with her. I get to see who she is and really get to focus on her. There are far less melt downs and far less tantrums. It's a calmer belle. It's a genteler belle. It's a sweet Belle. It's probably the Belle that most people get to see because when she is with her friends she's not fighting for attention from her brothers. I love Belle and I can't wait to watch her grow up and watch her grow into the amazing young woman I know she will be!

So It's Been FOREVER

So it's been forever and well life has taken over, but God has handed us some curve balls. Izabelle has been thriving in preschool. Her teacher has been amazing at handeling her "allergy". She monitors what Belle eats and if she feels that there has been too much sugar in a day she modify's Belle's snacks and lunch. Belle also has been amazing. She is learning what sugar does to her body. There have been many days that Belle comes home and tells me that her tummy isn't feeling very well and that she doesn't want any more sugar and she wants a sugar free day for the following day. She has had days where she rebels and binges on sugar but she learns very quickly that it hurts and it makes her sick. We have also learned that Easton may be following in his sisters footsteps. It started with him not being able to tolerating milk and soy. He was put on a hypoallergenic formula at 6 1/2 months. He has been tolerating that well. We have tried bites of yogart once a month but with each try he gets hives on his face so we are pretty sure that he too will be unable to eat it. We have been refered to a GI specialest for Easton so that we can confirm what we pretty much already know. Easton is thriving though. He took his first steps at the beginning of February. Now he's toddling around and getting into EVERYTHING. He has bruises everywhere from falling but I know those will heal and he will soon be a pro at walking and my baby will no longer be a baby. Jamison turns 6 on Saturday and I'm so proud of him. I can't believe he's already 6 and over half way through kindergarten. He's a bright young boy and he's everything I could ask for. He makes his mommy proud.

Early this week we were informed by the navy we will be heading back to San Diego. Derrick will be heading back to Carrier life....Our families are very sad to see us go because we will be across the country again but I think the navy chose this for use because we will be close to one of the major naval hospitals and our children are considered Cat 3 EFM's. Derrick has to go to school for the first 3 months that we are there so we won't have to live ship life right away and the ship is deployed now so we won't face a deployment right away. God is really looking out for us.